The Princess Blight
by Ronin Karma
Summary: Slappy and Skippy were having a good day until they came across a captured princess, do not expect a fairy tale ending.


Long ago, a princess was kidnapped by a ferocious monster. A loyal prince was sent to rescue her. He scattered through forests and climbed over mountains...until he hit a snag. While scaling the edge he slipped and fell head first to the bottom.

Slappy and Skippy Squirrel were walking through the meadow and forest. They were carrying a basket, they were looking for the perfect location to have a picnic. "Boy Aunt Slappy, it's very difficult finding a good spot."

"Your telling me Skippy. I haven't seen a forest to wide since that visit to the Black Forest in '79," agreed Slappy.

"I didn't know you travelled."

"All famous actors travelled the world: Greta Garbo, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Judy Garland..."

"Haven't heard of them."

"And you'll never will."

They found a small hill with wildflowers on they sat down and opened the basket. There's a lot of scrumptious food including fruit, sandwiches, drinks and candy. They couldn't wait to dig in.

"Let's eat!" Skippy said excitedly.

"Wait," interrupted Slappy. "Better make some precautions."

She draws out a large handbag, reaches her hand in and threw out numerous custom-made traps. Skippy was confused, "What are those?"

"My custom-made ACME ant traps," explained Slappy.

She points to one of the traps. "Watch."

An ant heads towards the bait and a giant bomb appeared. It exploded and the ant crumbled into ash. Skippy's eyes were wide open "Didn't you use that bomb before?"

"Suppose so. I put different surprises on each trap."

* * *

After finished eating, they heard a roar. It blew away ever tree and flower in the meadow.

"Woah, and I thought today's economy is depleting," said Slappy.

"It came from that way," Skippy shouted.

He was pointing towards the mountain range. He dashed over there leaving Slappy behind. She lowered her eyebrows. "If I didn't know any better he's heading for some new toy or probably new game."

Slappy found Skippy near a cave. They looked inside, it was filled with darkness. "Somebody forgot to pay the electricity bill!"

Skippy took out a flashlight and it lit up the cave. They walked inside and stared at the interior. Skippy wasn't impressed. "Who lives in there, Rob Schneider?"

"Maybe that's where he'll be living in after his next film," Slappy amused herself.

They walked into the long dry cave, with a flashlight in hand, all they can see is rock and drops of water falling from stalactites. There's very little noise. After a couple of turns and hitting forks in the road later they hit a dead end. Skippy felt a piece of hard metal. "Oh boy! We found a chest!"

Slappy found it hard to believe. "You felt it above your head."

Slappy shone the light on where Skippy felt the metal. "Oops!"

The light went higher up revealing a cage with a princess inside, Slappy was most surprised. "Hey, you're not Alissa Milano!"

"My name is Accalia. I've been captured by a creature named Obeidan," said the princess.

"And I got an agent by the name of Justin Bieber, that kid needs more head-bopping and less emo."

"Hey aunt Slappy," said Skippy. "A person at your age doesn't say those words."

"Sometimes you have quit living in the past to live in the present. Not according to Matthew McConaughey."

Slappy takes out an umbrella and wracks a handle causing it spin around and drop the cage. Skippy turned to her. "How did you find out how to get the princess down?"

"One of the biggest mistakes for being a cartoon villain," explained Slappy. "Never place a crank near the cage. It makes rescuing to easy for the protagonist."

She finds a key hanging on the wall. "And always hide the key."

She unlocks the cage and Accaliia walked out slowly as if the place was booby-trapped. They were at the mouth of the cave until a loud thumping noise was heard. It became louder and then an ogre appeared in front of them. "Hey, where do you think you're going?"

"Heading to Clarksville what else?" Slappy responded sarcastically.

Accalia was confused on Slappy standing up to the creature. "Aren't you afraid by him at all?"

"Ah not at all sister," smiled Slappy. "I've seen monsters who put Shrek to shame."

"You tell him Aunt Slappy!" excited Skippy.

Slappy reached into her handbag and pulled out a box. "Here you go, a present."

The ogre grabbed it off her hands. Slappy and Skippy walked near the cave with the theme of Looney Tunes playing in the background, but stopped after they hid. "I hope it's candy!"

He opened the box and it exploded and the rest of the theme tune played. Slappy and skippy came out of the cave and looked at the remains, it was a pile of ash. Skippy asked Slappy a question. "Where did you get that?"

"I was an extra in a Mel Brooks movie. He let me keep one of the props," said Slappy.

Accalia was surprised on what happened and a figure came towards them. It was a man and doesn't look too happy. "That's not what's it's supposed to happen!"

Slappy lowered her eyes. "And I thought my agent was losing it."

"The prince was supposed to rescue Accalia, where is he?"

Skippy didn't think so he just came up with a explanation. "He got creamed at the mountains."

Accalia was shocked and the man who turns out to be the narrator couldn't believe his ears."And you rescued her?"

"Listen mister, it just happened all of a sudden," said Skippy. "We didn't even know that there was a captured princess in a cave."

The narrator facepalmed himself. "Well that's just great, how are we suppose to end it?"

"Got one," suggested Slappy.

She took out a bomb with a fuse already lit and handed it over to the narrator. Accalia asked Slappy a question. "How is that going to-"

Just before she could finish her sentence Skippy took out TNT and placed it on her hands. A huge explosion covered the entire area, both the narrator and Accalia are black. They wobbled back and forth. The narrator "Well that's ending something with a bang."

They fell flat on faces in the hole created from the explosion. Slappy then breaks the fourth wall. "Now That's Comedy!"


End file.
